Iraqi Elections

I almost cried today as I watched the news. I haven't fully explored my feelings and opinions to say with absolute certainty that we should have gone to war in Iraq, or that democracy is the right form of government for all people (though I don't know what could be better in this life). But, I can't imagine anyone in America being unhappy or disgruntled with the results of the Iraqi elections. A higher percentage of people voted there, than in our last election. People there were literally risking their lives, as well as spending hours to get to and wait at polling centers. I doubt most Americans would stand in line to vote if there was a possibility that a sniper would be waiting to pick them off. I truly believe the Iraqi people are better off now than before America got involved, and that democracy is better for them than a slaughtering tyrant. Cheesy as it is, the Bush campaign slogan truly came to life today. Freedom is on the march (at least more so than before). Fox news pundants were musing as to whether this is the first domino that will fall to democracy in the Middle East. That's exciting.

Some Fun...

...things I've found on the internet that are killing lots of my time.
It started with this: http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html but then I was looking at the whole site and there were other cool things, like this: http://yugop.com/ver3/index.asp?id=32. Sigh, and of course there was also this:http://games.yahoo.com/games/downloads/sa.html, which I shouldn't be surprised about. I mean they tell you its addictive in the name, but I just couldn't stay away. Is that what smokers feel like? Anyway, I'm quitting as soon as I win one game, I just need to know what it's like, what happens.

The Past Week

It's been a busy week. What has taken all my time?

Comps. I'm working on getting together additional material, criticism for The Dubliners to bring to the group. Did you know that after Shakespeare James Joyce is the most wrote about author? And he only had about four works, so one can imagine the amount of material that exists out there. Weeding through it all only takes time, something that I don't always want to give to it. While I did not have a handout ready for my group, another girl who was dealing with some of the theory did, and as we were talking about the theory, I was very able to apply it to The Dubliners and create synthesis that way. So, it all turned out alright, even though I still need to make a handout. Plus, one of the girls in my group brought me a the In Good Company soundtrack, which I haven't seen yet, but she made me promise to see it, and then told me I'd want the soundtrack as soon as I had, so here it was. Unexpectedly lovely. New music is always nice. I'm just now listening to it. There's a lot of Iron & Wine (if you'll recall they are also on the Garden State soundtrack).

Application. On Tuesday I spent a lot of time working on my application for the doctoral program. I wrote my personal statement, which is scary because that's pretty much all they get of you. There's no interview, just one page telling them how smart you are and how you'll do the university proud (or at least that's what they want to hear). Okay, they do look at a writing sample as well, which I worked on cleaning up for last semester. I had a friend who's already in the program edit my personal statement. He also edited my paper last semester, so if I get in I'll owe him a thank you card. (Not that I don't all the time anyway. He's always and forever cooking for us, letting us hang out at his house; he brought me tea from England--the list goes on.)

Carnivale. I've only watched two episodes, because I can only get a disc at a time through the mail (or rather three, but it just now hit the top of my list). I knew it was coming so I was trying to get through what I'd received but not watched yet, like Maria Full of Grace (lots to say about that, but I don't have the energy). So Carnivale is quite good. It reminds me of Twin Peaks in some ways. And I adore that series.

Oscars. Okay, so this hasn't taken too much of my time, but I was excited when the nominations finally came out. No surprises (sorry Tina), but that's okay. I then had to determine which I'd seen and hadn't and where and when I'd see the rest. Just to share with the rest of the world. Ray comes out on DVD on February 1st, Motorcycle Diaries February 15th. Already available on DVD are: Collateral, Shrek 2, Before Sunset, Story of the Weeping Camel, and Super Size Me. Hopefully the rest are coming soon to a theatre near you. I'm a bit concerned that Sideways is never going to come to Rockford, and I'll not be able to see one that's nominated for Best Picture. Maybe I'll just have to roadtrip-it to some place that has the good sense to show it.

Classes. Yes, I also have to teach and take classes, and right now I have about forty papers that should be read and commented on before tomorrow. I have low expectations for actual completion.

Not as anticipated

I awoke early this morning. Considering I spent over an hour last night making the normally-thirty-minute commute home from DeKalb. The dangerous roads (8+ inches of snow!) were all worth it for the fantastic dinner that my friend, Josh made for us. While I wasn't nervous, per say, while driving, I was quite alert, so I had to take some time to wind down (and watch cartoons) before going to sleep at 1:30ish (hey, it's late for me). I didn't set an alarm, so I didn't think I'd get up at eight, but I did. Even more amazing was the fact that I actually got up and dressed right then. But that let me go shopping, which led to the another unplanned for event...

My mom had to go to the mall. I was just a nonchalant passerby. Unfortunately, I was sucked into Anne Taylor Loft...there were super sales...a hundred dollars and five pieces of clothing later...the rest is history.

I was looking forward to tonight so I could watch the Golden Globes, and see Mr. Owen. I was looking forward to an entire delicious evening soaking in Hollywood glamour and ignoring the Hollywood ego. During the first minutes of the event, I was hanging up said new clothes and watching. There was no preamble. Renee Zellweger walked out onto stay and announced Best Supporting Actor, nominees, Clive Owen. Sadly, I didn't see much in him. No emotion. He was smiling, but not genuinely excited or surprised, but I didn't get the "well, of course, I deserved this" vibe either. His speech was perfunctory (though he didn't thank the wife...maybe he's looking for a new one? like me?) and then it was over. Before I had even gotten settled for the show, the part I saw on Sunday started and I was left with nothing to do for the night.

Now what?

Cool, Aloof, Ice Queen

That's me today. Cool and icy because my office is freezing. Literally. I'm wearing gloves, a scarf, and I have a blazery-coat on as well. Aloof because I'm trying to tune out the conversations happening around me (with the help of my new U2 ipod!), so I can get some reading done, so I can present it to my comps study group later today. One of the problems with sharing an office with 20+ other people who share some basic love of literature is there is always always something to talk about. For the most part these are interesting people with interesting ideas. How to determine the important from the interesting is something I struggle with. I think I swing between the two ends of the spectrum--sometimes giving everything my time and consideration and then repelling to ignore everything as frivolous. And now I have a headache. Maybe from the cold, maybe from the tension of responsibilities long dormant, or maybe it's because I awoke to an alarm at 6am, something I haven't done in over five weeks. This break was too long. However, both my classes (that I'm teaching) seem like a good group of kids, and I'm in a brilliant computer lab that will make for good times this semester. Hopefully, I'll soon thaw out and get back into the swing of school.

Last Day

Tomorrow I go back to school. Not that I expect any sympathy--I've had a ridiculously long break--but I'm not really prepared. I haven't cracked the cover of the text book I'm teaching. Because I've been handed a text book and syllabus, I find myself not trying very hard to be original and own the material. That's rather terrible for someone who wants to teach for real, but there it is. I'd like to think that I would show more responsibility if I had more ownership. Also my study group is meeting for the first time and I'm supposed to have a presentation of sorts ready over Joyce's "The Dead" and John Huston's film. I am also wildly underprepared, yet I'm blogging, uploading music to my Ipod, and checking to make sure they haven't announced the Oscar nominations a week early for some crazy reason.

I love the Oscars. I revel in the fact that for four hours I can unashamedly glory in how wonderful movies are. Honestly--movies rock, I love 'em. There a list of all the movies eligible for nominations this year. I marvel at a. how many I haven't seen b. how many are already on video and c. how many are already forgotten. I get so excited before a film is released, but if something prevents me from seeing it opening weekend, I sometimes forget about it and I realize that it wasn't as important as I had thought. The sun continues to rise and set even though I still haven't seen Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason yet. (Though I am still very sad that I've not).

A thought as I was looking over the contenders. Wouldn't it be awesome if Tina Fey was nominated for Best Screenplay Adaptation for Mean Girls? She took it from a non-fiction book called Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence. I haven't read the book (being currently neither an adolescence, nor the parent of one, it's not quite the top of my list), but I thought the film was brilliant. Just a thought. It may not be as dramatic as say Million Dollar Baby/"Rope Burns", but definitely innovative. It would be a little shake-up, like Eminem winning for best song instead of U2--not that I approved of that decision, but somehow the Academy neglected to ask my opinion that year.

Mismatched Bookends

To start on a side note...Bravo is replaying the Globes on Saturday night, so I can see that which I missed...Clive's win.

I didn't do as much today as I would have liked. I made a list of everything I was going to do. One of them involved going to the post, but, oh wait, it's Martin Luther King Day and it's not open. Ergo, I reasoned, I should wait to do all of my errands until tomorrow, when I can go to the post-office. Sounds like rationalizing because it's so dang cold outside (-9 with wind chill).

I did venture out of the house for my small group, which I am a big fan of. We talked about community (ch 14 in Blue Like Jazz), and I missed Taylor and the floor my Junior year (the best group of girls ever). But, I was/am excited because I see the potential for some authentic community with this group of people. They're mostly older (aka out of college) and seem very accepting (not concerned as much with "cool"). Often times, I get sick of the process it takes to move from acquaintances to real community. I hate shallow conversations--not that I don't have them, but I'd rather talk about things that are real and important. It's hard to know how to have those conversations with strangers though. The only way one can really get better though is to practice, so that's what I'll try to do.

To end on a side note...I'm listening to my newly acquired Garden State soundtrack and have just realized there is a song "Such Great Heights" by Iron & Wine that is the same (lyrically) as the one by Postal Service. Who's covering who?

More on Clive...

So as I was typing about how much I'd like to get to know Clive Owen a little better, he's winning a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor. You'd think that I would have realized the Golden Globes were tonight, but no...I'm too busy figuring out code for my insignificant shout to the universe.

Hail the Conquering Hero?

Well, busy me studied a lot for the GRE's and took them on Thursday morning. I improved my score by 50 points giving me a 640. The school I'm applying to (and incidentally currently attending as well) asks a minimum of 600, so I can check that off the list of qualifying traits to have. Hopefully my writing score also improves.

I am skipping church tonight because 1. I have a lot to do in the next couple of days and 2. it's freezing outside. Or rather, below freezing. Very cold. I figured I could finish what I need to read in Blue Like Jazz and that would spiritual. I'm probably evaluating my relationship with God just as much, if not more, while reading that book than I do at the average church service. Of course, in reality, I'm blogging, reading other people's blogs, and cleaning up my mailbox, not reading right now. But I will at some point tonight. I just joined a small group that is going through Blue Like Jazz, and I need to be through chapter 14 by tomorrow night.

On Friday, I saw three movies in the theater: Closer (amazing, my favorite of the evening, I want to make babies with Clive Owen), Million Dollar Baby (not as predictable as I thought it would be, so thumbs up, my friend cried for a third of it, generally a good sign in movies because as Henry James said "In the arts, feeling is always meaning"), and House of Flying Daggers (the story line seemed tailored for American audiences, not like Hero or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but it was very pretty, visually sumptuous in an un-American way, and I appreciate that). The push to see all the movies that are going to be nominated for Oscars has begun.

A Slow Day

Still working on the same books, though I have received my film theory books and December Bride, which I need to start working on for Comps...Have watched Taking Lives, The House on Haunted Hill (the new one with Geoffrey Rush, I enjoyed the old one, this wasn't nearly as scary, just silly--though watching it in the middle of the day while half studying GRE vocab probably isn't quite the right setting), Crimson Rivers (amazing French film with one of my current favorite actors--Vincent Cassel). I also have watched a couple of DVRed episodes of Knitty Gritty, not only do I enjoy knitting, crocheting, quilting, cooking etc., but I watch and re-watch shows about them. It's like I'm 64 instead of 24. Maybe I should be a mail-order bride to Alaska, where they don't have as many females (?), and I can be a kept woman, who practices the domestic arts and consumes mass quantities of narrative fiction. Any takers?

Cyber Community

So I was spending time randomly looking at other blogs, and I ran across one for a guy who's a missionary in Australia. How hot is that? The idea of meeting someone online (in any capacity, not necessarily for a dating relationship) is rather frightening, but how else does one get to meet somebody fantastic like that? I certainly don't think I warrant a second glance; there has to be continual forced contact (not under duress type of contact, more like captive audience type). I wonder how dangerous the internet really is. I mean, am I paranoid, or just cautious? Information on the internet is created by people, so while I am connecting with information, that is representative of people, and since we have some interest in common (the shared information), how bad/scary/harmful could that person be? It's hard to think much about real topics while I'm watching Celebrity Fit Club. I probably don't deserve to meet interesting people like Australian missionaries because I watch trash like this.

Media Exposure and Grad School

In one of my first graduate classes, my professor suggested that we each keep a reading journal of what we read everyday because the paper trail can be helpful during research. I thought this a fine idea, but have never had a hard and fast location or ritual for doing so. But here's an opportunity to keep my media list (because I study film as well as literature, I think it just as important to mark what I watch as what I read), so I shall from time to time endeavor to note what books and movies I am presently engaging. Because academia is a lovely, I've had the past month off of school and work and have been able to devote my days to narratives. I have read: Neverwhere (Neil Gaiman), Jack Maggs (Peter Carey), Arcadia (Tom Stoppard) and am currently involved in The Golden Compass (Phillip Pullman), Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller), and The Gunslinger (Stephan King). I have watched: Garden State, Intermission, Croupier, 13 Going on 30, Pride and Prejudice, Neverwhere, Hero, The Aviator, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Blade: Trinity, Dodgeball, In America, Crime and Punishment in Suburbia. This is probably isn't a complete list, but it's a start.

In a few days, I will take the GRE's for the second time in hopes of bettering my first score, and convincing application committees that I am serious about wanting to get my doctorate, which I think I am. I feel like if I ever want to get my doctorate I may as well do it now while I don't have a family to worry about. Graduate school is somewhat selfish in the amount of time it takes; I can't imagine how people form and maintain many meaningful relationships while working full-time at higher education. I feel its all I can do sometimes to keep up with the friends I have now, let alone try to find and develop a relationship with a significant other. One of my 'love languages' (the way I show and receive love) is quality time, so that may be why I struggle.

I am looking forward to the semester starting because I've missed taking and teaching classes. I'm very excited to be teaching in the writing center of my campus, which is a computer lab, so my students will always have the opportunity to work at their own computers--essential for writing in today's world.

A Derelict Friend

Sadly, I'm the derelict friend. I have wonderful people in my life that have tried to keep in touch with me, but the past few years I have not been very good about responding. What happened? When I was younger (read high school and the beginning of college...a long five years plus ago), I was incredible about sending notes, keeping in touch, but now...? It's not like I don't still care for these people. Maybe I'm just becoming more self-centered and I spend free time doing things like watching hours of TLC, Discovery Home, and Cartoon Network, or surfing the internet. Ultimately, these activities have nothing to show for the vast quantities of time they suck. Maybe there is a deeper psychological reason other than poor time management. Every time I do talk to people that I haven't been in contact with I find out they're either married, pregnant, or both. Do I not want to hear about how my friends are becoming real adults and productive members of society? Is it easier to justify living with my parents and pursuing graduate education when I don't compare myself to the majority of my contemporaries?

A Quiet Beginning

So, I've decided this will be good practice in writing, a decent way to allow those who care to know what's happening in my life/head, and kind of cool, too. I'm a bit trepidatious about posting. This is not a private journal, so I don't want to put everything that comes to mind out there, but what's the point if it's not personal. It's a sort of confessional on some level, I guess, but only the acceptable ones. (?) I think I'll post for a little while before telling anyone about it, so I can get used to the medium. Without me letting people know the address, this will probably remain somewhat unnoticed by or at least anonymous to the world.